17.3.2011

The 17th of March was a first-time, national holiday for Italy. It was the 150^th anniversary of the unification of Italy. Almost anywhere you looked Italy flags were flying- from balconies, from fences, and my personal favorite: from banners that hung above the streets between buildings. For the celebration all schools were closed and everyone had the day off. So we left for Sestriere again!

I love this place…and I think it is healing my soul. Perhaps it is the solitude that I feel here, combined with the incredible beauty of the alps. I feel that the crisp, clean air is washing away the pain from the past. The brilliant, white snow covering everything is reminiscent of the beauty which will soon bloom come spring. I feel pure freedom when I am flying down the mountains, on the verge of loosing control of my body, enlightened by the idea that pure peace and happiness reside inside me at every moment. Waiting to be realized if only I breathe and let go of everything that can so easily keep my trapped in a state of self judgment, negativity, and fear. I took a walk today and I listened to music and I just sat. Immersed in the beauty and the perfection of the moment. It was one of the most peaceful experiences I have ever encountered. I just was. With no where to go, and nothing to do. Just to be, for most people is easy. However, I am almost always somewhere else; either worrying about the past and trying to fix past mistakes, or being anxious about the future- as if I am trying to plan my entire future in an hour. As I am becoming more aware my general thought patterns, and truly realizing the ways in which I live day to day, I becoming more present and alive.

 

Over the weekend I took a ski lesson with a boy named Alex who looked like Italy’s Next Top Model (which by the way, I don’t even know if it exists, but if it does he would win). I recently have taught Rita the word "hot." She loves it! Everywhere we go, she will point out cute boys and say," hot or not." She has recently taken a liking to using boiling if the person is really, really hot. Bruno learned this too, he likes to say he is a hot child! When Rita saw Alex she said that neither hot nor boiling would suffice- I would agree. After knowing me for 5 minutes he asked me if I wanted to go dancing at a discotech with him and his friends.  I had so much fun learning to ski with him, and the lesson was much more productive because he spoke some English. I didn’t end up going dancing because I ended up hanging out with two of my other friends I met there. The next day I went skiing all by myself. I decided that I was ready to try this. It went really, really well! I didn’t fall once! I did almost fall though and I am pretty sure I had a mild attack while it was happening. I started going so fast and I was completely losing control of my body as I was going around a hill. I remember feeling completely terrified because I truly thought I was going to going to fall and break my leg. Somehow, and I don’t really remember exactly what happened as I think I stop breathing, I stopped and survived.  After that brief encounter with death, everything went fantastically...well mostly. Later on in the day I ended up taking a wrong turn down the the track and ended up the middle of nowhere. There were absolutely no one else around when I stopped. How I managed to get LOST while skiing is really beyond me. I mean, I was on a track for goodness sake, but leave it me, I can get lost anywhere, anytime! Luckily, I knew about where I was, I just had no idea how to get back to the ski lift. Eventually, I lost all my speed and stopped. The snow I was on at this point was flat, so I had to WALK in MY SKIS for about 20 minutes until I got back to the ski lift.  Eventually I made it back… and when I did I felt as if I had climbed Mount Everest!

Introspective

I feel so lucky to have the opportunity for this adventure I have very recently embarked upon. It is often said that, “wherever you go, there you are.” Perhaps I could have found what I was looking for in Tucson. Yet there was some force in heart urging me, willing me to pursue Italy. It is not a desire that I can entirely explain. Emerging from my soul is a deep-rooted desire to travel, to grow, to know myself at a deeper level and to expand with infinite possibilities. I remember on the plane ride here I was reading yoga journal and a line struck me. “ There are days when you stare setbacks in the eye…and I remind myself that sometimes what feels like a setback is really a preparation for a big leap forward…Progress isn’t on a linear path.” As I look back over the past year I am bombarded with the realization of how much time I truly have spent worrying, agonizing, feeling anxious, and being upset. From this standpoint I was hindering the amazing life I had in front of me. The overwhelming stress and anxiety I often let consume my life, hindered my relationships with everyone. Unfortunately, it affected most the people whom I am closest with.  Worrying is absolutely pointless and though so many of my beloved friends and family have told me this over and over again, I have just recently begun to feel the truth of this simple statement to my core. Although this point of clarity may seem obvious, for me it was not.  Life is a journey. Hardships, difficulties and pain will arise without a doubt; the important thing is to notice the lesson that is present. We can either look a problem straight in the face and learn from the lesson it has to offer or we can become a victim to our circumstances.At each moment of our life, this choice is present. With each moment comes the ability to learn, grow, and most importantly live.